I'd like to share one of Charles Ringma's writings on Disengagement.
Romans 13:9
True friendship is not only built on the busy round of continually doing things for each other. Such seemingly good activity may in fact exhaust the relationship. The cycle of giving because we have first received can come a legalistic form of reciprocity.
Nor is true friendship built on the busy round of much-talking and constant self-disclosure. The attempt to build friendship in this way may be more a reflection of insecurity than of trust.
The road to friendship is somewhat different. While it certainly involves giving and receiving and open sharing, it also involves a respect for boundaries.
Henri Nouwen notes that intimate relationships which do not create free space for the other can become suffocating relationships. He therefore acknowledges, 'I feel an increasing desire to be silent with my friends. Not every event has to be told, not every idea has to be exchanged'.
It is in the silence as much as in the conversations that friendship can be built. Friendship should incorporate solitude as much as sharing and common activity. Friendship should always exist in what we do for each other. It is also what we are for each other, even when we are not doing anything.
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Reflections:
I don't think I will be able to fully write my reflections on this.. but I'll try.
Today I was able to talk with my friend, David. And this wonderful gentleman I've known for years gave me the most amazing advice I have been searching and seeking for the past two (2) weeks of my challenging life. He said, "We often think of what's not only better but what's best for others...especially for our dearest friends, the people we love most...but we have to understand that it takes time for people to realize that. Oftentimes it takes a lot of prayer and patience for them to see what we saw, for them to listen to what we're trying to say, for them to fully grasp our good intentions and deep concern." He added, "You just have to trust the Lord...that He will stir their hearts up and find wisdom in everything that you're saying. So let people learn even if it will hurt you see them failing. For as long as you have done your part, the best possible thing you could do for your friends, you've been a friend them. "
And just like what Charles said regarding silence, maybe... just maybe, our silence can speak louder and bring wisdom to others. Thus, breaking walls that separate us and build a firm foundation that can stand against storms and time.
Romans 13:9
True friendship is not only built on the busy round of continually doing things for each other. Such seemingly good activity may in fact exhaust the relationship. The cycle of giving because we have first received can come a legalistic form of reciprocity.
Nor is true friendship built on the busy round of much-talking and constant self-disclosure. The attempt to build friendship in this way may be more a reflection of insecurity than of trust.
The road to friendship is somewhat different. While it certainly involves giving and receiving and open sharing, it also involves a respect for boundaries.
Henri Nouwen notes that intimate relationships which do not create free space for the other can become suffocating relationships. He therefore acknowledges, 'I feel an increasing desire to be silent with my friends. Not every event has to be told, not every idea has to be exchanged'.
It is in the silence as much as in the conversations that friendship can be built. Friendship should incorporate solitude as much as sharing and common activity. Friendship should always exist in what we do for each other. It is also what we are for each other, even when we are not doing anything.
=====================================================
Reflections:
I don't think I will be able to fully write my reflections on this.. but I'll try.
Today I was able to talk with my friend, David. And this wonderful gentleman I've known for years gave me the most amazing advice I have been searching and seeking for the past two (2) weeks of my challenging life. He said, "We often think of what's not only better but what's best for others...especially for our dearest friends, the people we love most...but we have to understand that it takes time for people to realize that. Oftentimes it takes a lot of prayer and patience for them to see what we saw, for them to listen to what we're trying to say, for them to fully grasp our good intentions and deep concern." He added, "You just have to trust the Lord...that He will stir their hearts up and find wisdom in everything that you're saying. So let people learn even if it will hurt you see them failing. For as long as you have done your part, the best possible thing you could do for your friends, you've been a friend them. "
And just like what Charles said regarding silence, maybe... just maybe, our silence can speak louder and bring wisdom to others. Thus, breaking walls that separate us and build a firm foundation that can stand against storms and time.
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